→ Cissy
I believe that my personality is quite fluid. Besides moral and ethical considerations, I don't see many rules in this world. In situations where others might perceive high risk or impracticality, I don't view them any differently from other choices; they are simply options. Of course, this personality trait developed gradually after reaching adulthood. I attribute the instability in my personality primarily to my family. Their words often lead me into a dilemma where I struggle between being true to myself and conforming to the past expectations imposed on me. It's like I'm putting pressure on myself.
Some young women may invest time and effort into shaping their image, perhaps to meet the expectations of others, gain recognition, or, in other words, to capitalize on the need for validation in today's social media culture, where approval from others often translates into commercial value and income. At times, I feel uncomfortable and repelled by the gaze of others, especially from the opposite sex. In real life, I deliberately dress modestly and inconspicuously, aiming to avoid any unwanted attention or scrutiny.
During my younger years, instances of "self-sacrifice" were frequent, as I would subconsciously seek to please others, fearing disappointment and striving to meet their expectations. However, as I matured, I began to fill the voids of childhood insecurities and traumas. When faced with others' expectations or even latent pressures, I felt a deep sense of anger. I refused to be deprived of my right to be myself. In such situations, I might intentionally act contrary to their wishes, a somewhat immature form of retaliation.
Regarding the quest for self-discovery, confusion and perplexity often stem from fear. Instead of using the term "overcome," I find "create" more fitting. My fears act as a cage that I struggle to break free from within. Alone, my strength may seem insufficient, but new experiences, perspectives, and love provide me with the courage I need. The sky, trees, music, the vast sea, and the beauty of humanity all serve as keys to unlock this cage.
The societal scrutiny and expectations placed on Chinese women can have profound effects on their self-perception and confidence. Women may feel pressured by society to conform to specific standards of appearance, behavior, or roles. This pressure may lead them to attempt to change themselves to meet these expectations, thereby influencing their self-awareness and confidence. Some women may experience feelings of insecurity or self-doubt as they struggle to meet societal expectations. However, there are also those who are able to find their voice and confidence in such environments, maintaining their values and goals.