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I adore pink, but I am afraid of being ridiculed for appearing childish in public. This internal conflict suffocates me; I want to express myself freely, like I do at home, yet I'm afraid of being judged by others.
I am sensitive to comments about my weight, and it was because of being called "fat" by people in the past that I resorted to extreme dieting, going from 130 to 88 pounds.
I am fortunate to enjoy a environment of freedom and warmth provided by my parents. They never restrict my choices, allowing me to be myself freely. However, as I step out into the wider world, I often feel lost and hesitant to show my true self.
When I go to crowded places, I find myself being conscious of my appearance and behavior. For instance, even if I'm wearing a perfectly normal outfit like a skirt and tank top, I still feel a sense of shame if I don't see anyone else dressed similarly on the street.
The self-perception and confidence of Chinese women have been greatly influenced by societal expectations and pressures. Deep-rooted stereotypes, stemming from centuries of patriarchal norms, persistently shape our views of ourselves. Escaping these confines seems like an ongoing struggle, one that may span generations to surmount completely.
Despite these challenges, I take solace in the fact that many young women of today are embracing their individuality and asserting their unique identities.
Today, I found myself once again caught in a sense of confusion and uncertainty, but I know I have ways to cope. Typically, I turn to friends for a chat or delve into a book to overcome these challenges. I enjoy socializing and appreciate the beauty of the natural world.
Being someone who loves exploring interesting things in nature, becoming a cat would bring me closer to these experiences. I always aspire to live a life true to myself, pursuing my dreams and happiness. Alongside striving for success, I aim to learn how to savor the moments life offers.