→ Xuan
Often, I refrain from displaying my true self in social or unfamiliar environments because I'm unsure if my authentic actions might influence others' perceptions of me. I wish to avoid such situations, so I deliberately alter my behavior to align with what I perceive as societal expectations, thus providing myself with a sense of security.
I've experienced many moments of confusion because the process of self-discovery inevitably involves doing things I don't like or finding painful. Whenever this happens, I find myself conflicted within. The solution to these problems always lies in contemplating which choice will lead to better outcomes because I'm someone who leans towards consequentialism.
The society has placed many labels on Chinese women, such as getting married early, not focusing too much on their careers, and being a good wife and mother. It's as if only by fitting into these definitions can a woman be considered a qualified individual in society's eyes. Driven by the overarching environment, many Chinese women feel constrained by societal norms and find themselves reluctantly compelled to pursue paths of self-transformation.
I find myself transforming into someone I'm not to meet the expectations of my parents or the societal norms. With my parents, I aim to bring them happiness by altering my true self, while in society, I strive to assimilate into the environment by changing myself.